Thursday, 1 August 2013

Frankenstein's Army - Movie Review

Frankenstein's Army is the kind of film that exists pretty much beyond all criticism. To watch it and be disappointed, disgusted, even offended is definitely the viewer's fault. If the fact that it's a found footage film (a Soviet propaganda film no less!) set in the second world war hadn't set the tone enough for you, the first time a man sporting seven-foot long spikes for arms, a drill for a face and a Nazi uniform appears on screen, it should be pretty clear that this is a film with its tongue stuck so far into its cheek it's discovered cave paintings.

And you thought the locker room was
bad at the Harlow Leisure Centre 

(That metaphor got a bit away from me there, I do apologize.)

The set-up is simple: a squad of Russian soldiers out on an extended patrol hear a distress call from thier comrades, and go to investigate. Instead of the Red Army, they discover a laboratory filled with the weird and wonderful creations of Victor Frankenstein, grandson of the famous Frankenstein of the novel, who has been working for the Nazis in developing his own animate creations (or Dead Army, if you're into lame puns). It becomes increasingly clear, however, that the mad, bad doc has been going his own way for some time, having murdered all of the villagers in the area.

First off, the plot's ridiculous, the acting's not that great and the characters don't exactly leave much of an impression, and the found-footage conceit requires a suspension of disbelief somewhere in the stratosphere. So why watch it? The monsters.
The one described above (and in the picture) is only one of a seemingly endless parade of bizarre, horrific, wonderfully realized creations. This is the kind of film where to friends afterwards you spend about two minutes describing the plot and about ten describing the monsters. I only refrain here because I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Oh, all right, here's another:

Well two, but how cool are these guys!

If you don't like the sound of a film with Giant Nazi Frankenstein Monsters, this isn't the film to change your mind. If, like me, you feel you should know better, but do like the sound of GNFM, you'll get a kick out of this.

It's also probably fair to warn you that this is an extremely gory film, so if you aren't a fan, best to steer clear. 

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