It's been a while. After a month in which my internet was down, and a month where I moved house, not to mention a detour into short fiction, I thought it was time to resurrect this. Especially as this contains my favourite one so far - and the worst one. Enjoy! And
whatever you do, do NOT watch Vengeance Of She without a buddy and a safe-word.
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The Ultimate Guide to The Ultimate Hammer Collection!
Film #11: Quatermass and The Pit
Summary and Review: While extending an underground station,
workers discover a skeleton of a prehistoric human. They also uncover what at
first appears to be an unexploded bomb. Except surely the skeleton should have
been crushed by the bomb when it landed...
Words cannot describe how much I love this one. Andrew Keir
plays Quatermass here, a kindly scientist who nevertheless Doesn't Suffer Fools
Gladly. This film combines some of my favourite tropes - the military who
remain obstinate and ignorant until, it's too late, Quatermass yelling at them
that they are fools, fools I tell you!, workmen getting knocked off like
redshirts in Star Trek. It's all good. Out of all the films in the box, this
was the only one I had seen before I started this and the only one I would
recommend completely without caveats or a tongue in my cheek. Amazing.
Best Moment: An exceptionally creepy moment when a man goes
back to collect his equipment. At this point, it's almost impossible to guess
what happens next.
Hammer Glamour: Barbara Shelley, playing Quatermass'
assistant. Fairly low key, compared to say, Dracula: Prince of Darkness. Plus
she actually gets to do stuff!
Unintentionally Funny Moment: Some of the model work is
somewhat less than convincing.
Bonus cameo: Duncan Lamont, who played the doomed astronaut
in the BBC's original Quatermass
Experiment way back in 1953 - pretty much the first sci-fi shown on TV.
Film #12: Vengeance Of She
Summary and Review: From the sublime to the ridiculous.
Actually, screw ridiculous, this film sucks. A remake/sequel (can't tell which)
of She, minus Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Bernard Cribbens, Ursula Andress,
most of the budget, the sense of fun and the awesome costumes. Possibly one of
the worst films I have ever seen.
Best Moment: The credits.
Hammer Glamour: Replacing Ursula Andress with Olga Shoberova
is not a good trade. Especially when poor Olga looks kind of confused
throughout most of this mess.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: Kilikrates has adjusted well
to being an immortal ruler, considering how bitter he was about it.
Bonus cameo: Pink Panther Strikes Again fans might remember
Colin Blakely as the British detective who has to deal with Clouseau.
Film #13: The Devil Rides Out
Summary and Review: Great fun, this one. Two friends
discover a third friend is getting in too deep with an Evil Cult (tm) and
endeavour to rescue him from their nefarious grasp. It all culminates in a
siege where Christopher Lee (in a good guy role for once) pitches his wits
against Charles Gray, who smirks throughout. Amazing effects, fun plot, well
paced. An extremely enjoyable hour and a half - despite some bizarre plot holes.
This is also one of Christopher Lee's favourites and one he'd like to see
remade with modern effects. I'd be on board.
Best Moment: The entire siege sequence, which is basically
the latter third of the film, is inventive and relentless. Also this -
"The Angel of Death has been summoned. He cannot return
empty-handed..."
Hammer Glamour: Nike Arrighi. Nope, I haven't heard of her
either
Unintentionally Funny Moment: The couple who make sure they
are perfectly safe and protected from the evil goings-on completely forget they
have a daughter upstairs. The moment they realise is priceless.
Bonus cameo: Paul Eddington, playing Neglectful Parent #1.
Now I just need to spot Nigel Hawthorne to have the full Yes, Minister set.
Summary and Review: After the success of One Million Years BC, Hammer quickly re-used the sets and Martine Beswick. In this, one blond haired
tribe is oppressed by a dark haired tribe (this is all sounding suspiciously
familiar) and there's also something, something legend of the White Rhino. It
was around this point I remembered that OMY BC had no dialogue, and I was
grateful. It also had the benefit of not being like anything I'd ever seen
before and Ray Harryhausen creature effects. This doesn't. No ball.
Best Moment: The appearance of the actual white rhino.
Hammer Glamour: Martine Beswick is no Raquel Welch.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: This was originally called
Slave Girls in the UK, because 1967 was a very different time.
Bonus cameo: Steven Berkoff. As in the cantankerous
playwright. OK...
Film #15: Scars of Dracula
Summary and Review: Awesome. Drac's back (again),
terrorising the locals, sucking blood and generally being awesome. Two things
are different. Firstly Christopher Lee actually talks this time round, which is
always nice, with him hypnotising people to do his bidding, bidding them
welcome to his castle (mwa ha ha) and all the stuff you really want to see him
do. The second is that this film is gory as anything. People have their faces bitten off, they are
impaled, stabbed, set on fire and thrown off cliffs, and burned with hot metal.
This film is nasty. Would I have it any other way? Nope.
Best Moment: My real favourite is a bit of a spoiler, so
I'll just the fate of one poor git's wife.
Hammer Glamour: Jenny Hanley, who went on to present Magpie.
Unintentionally Funny Moment: The angry peasants make
violent speeches about taking down the evil in their midst, light torches,
march on the castle shouting and praying, and then knock on the door. Scars of
Dracula may be the most English film I've ever seen.
Bonus cameo: Is, is that Dennis Waterman?
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So that was that. This box had some crushing lows and exceptional highs, seemingly alternating. Now all I need to do is watch the last box.
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So that was that. This box had some crushing lows and exceptional highs, seemingly alternating. Now all I need to do is watch the last box.
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